They did it to me again. The one constant in my life, that I can always count on, is for these clowns to let me down, time after time. There is nothing for me to say anymore, I can’t even make “kill myself” jokes anymore watching this team cause I might actually at this point. With 3 games left in the season this is what the standings looked like (on 5/12/2022):
Arsenal had 4 points on Spurs with a win against them last Thursday securing Champions League if they weren’t cowards.
Arsenal had 4 points on Spurs with 3 games left with a victory over them last Thursday being all we needed to secure that 4th place spot. Now you probably know, this is what happened last Thursday against Spurs:
Despite me overreacting and panicking after the Spurs defeat, WE WERE STILL GOOD. We had a point over them which meant if we won our next two games, we would qualify for Champions League but nah. After Arsenal doing what they do best which was massively choke against Newcastle where a win would still keep us ahead of Spurs going into the final weekend, this is what the standings look like with one game left:
With the Premier League coming to an end (hopefully a successful one for my sake), the transfer window for next season will subsequently start. With the World Cup taking place at the end of the year, the transfers that take place this summer might play a huge part in if they represent their country for the World Cup. I’ll go through a quick list on who I’d take to come over to play at the Emirates in a hypothetical world where Kroenke’s spent money (It’s a joke, it’s a joke, I know they spent a shit ton these past few summers). It will be one player from each team. Things to consider: Arsenal’s current needs in the squad, if I like them or hate them, have they done anything of note to Spurs, if they are an asshole, decent social media presence etc.
Manchester City: Anybody out of the first rotation 14 of Ederson, Walker, Stones, Laporte, Dias, Cancelo, Rodri, Gundogan, De Bruyne, Silva, Mahrez, Foden, Sterling, Jesus, not Grealish. But… if I had to pick one, it has to be Phil Foden. The kid is only 21 and has solidified himself as one of the best players in the Prem bar none and can play anywhere on the front line.
There is nothing like supporting Arsenal Football Club I swear. No team is able to be gifted great opportunities to only almost utterly collapse at the end and ruin everything. Arsenal (2) – Leeds (1). At this point, I keep stressing, results over performances. 3 points are all that matter despite how abject we were today against Leeds.
FIRST HALF: Coming into the match, Leeds found themselves just outside of the relegation zone with any point(s) helping in their cause to stay in the top division in England. We deployed Ramsdale in goal with a newly formed back 4. Cédric took up the right-back position with Holding and Gabriel as our center backs with Ben white still recovering from an injury. Arteta deployed Tomiyasu at left-back over Nuno Tavares which I am assuming was to make sure Raphinha from Leeds was kept in check and he probably didn’t trust Nuno to do as much. Legit before I could get myself settled into the game, Arsenal was gifted the easiest goal we will get all year from the Leeds keeper:
All things being considered, if I was fighting relegation, I would not have let the other team (Arsenal) have such an easy goal, but that’s just me. Arsenal were then able to break the game open the game a few minutes later with Martinelli doing well to get free on the left flank before cutting a cross back to Eddie for the easy finish:
And it just got worse for Leeds when Luke Ayling goes in with two feet on Martinelli with the stupidest tackle you’ll see all weekend to give Arsenal the pleasure of playing against 10-men:
Results over performances. Results over performances. Results over performances. 3 words to live by at this point of the season. These guys man… 6 points off West Ham this season and Arteta continues to prove me wrong, you love to fucking see it. Two goals form our center backs for a 2-1 victory over West Ham at the Olympic Stadium?!?!? By any means necessary and keeps us on pace with Spurs in the race for Top 4.
At the end of the day, the May 12th game between Arsenal and Spurs will more than likely decide who gets 4th place HOWEVER if Liverpool beats Spurs next weekend, the NLD becomes a game where Arsenal just has to not lose and will also, in turn, assist my blood pressure levels. Don’t get me started on the possibility of catching Chelsea for 3rd place but one scum team at a time. Elneny and Rob Holding were the two standout performers for me on the day. I am still not sure the starting XI that we put out there is one that is fighting for Top 4 but here we are.
Aaron Ramsdale has been holding down the fort despite his recent struggles in the net. Tomiyasu has been fighting calf injuries all season long. Holding is an Arsenal cult hero but has been involved in Arsenal’s recent struggles for the past few seasons. Gabriel is my Brazilian left-footed lover. Nuno is my favorite Portuguese in the world who I love to hate and hate to love. If Elneny gets us to Top 4, I might have to pick up an Egyptian Citizenship. This Granit Xhaka love story at Arsenal would win an Academy Award. Ødegaard might be the best Norwegian player in the world (including Haaland, Im kinda joking but also kinda not). Saka is a starboy. Martinelli never stops running. I won’t say a bad word about Eddie until I see how our season ends.
What a time to score your first Premier League goal!
Rob Holding scores for Arsenal and they move back into 4th place as things stand!
(Disclaimer: This won’t be a complete Gabi Jesus analysis blog because I’m weary that Gabi Jesus and team are using Arsenal to get a new contract at City)
Reports have come out this past week about Manchester City forward Gabriel Jesus being linked to Arsenal for this upcoming season with discussions apparently continuously ongoing for the past few months according to transfer guru David Ornstein.
🚨 Arsenal exploring possibility of signing Gabriel Jesus from Man City. Clubs yet to speak but talks between Edu + reps for months. 25yo open to idea, #AFC current favourites. Calvert-Lewin among options @TheAthleticUK#MCFC#EFC 1st reported @jorgenicolahttps://t.co/jOu4Es7nT7
Gabriel Jesus will leave Man City in the summer, the plan is clear since months as they're working on Haaland deal and contract expires in 2023. 🇧🇷 #MCFC
Now there are lots of factors that go into this Gabriel Jesus transfer with many of them being speculative. It’s not lost on me that the game right after the news drops about Gabi Jesus being linked to Arsenal that he goes on and scores 4 goals against Watford. Lmao, Gabi Jesus saw the Arsenal rumors break out and was like”Nah fam, I’m too good for Arsenal”. You can’t make this shit up lol.
All that being said, the things are going for Arsenal on making this transfer actually happen:
We need a CF badly – now whether Gabriel Jesus is the CF we need, I am not totally convinced, I am a huge fan of the player actually which I will talk about in a future post but not sure if he is the type of ST we need. Regardless we do need a CF prototype to lead our line.
Haaland coming to City – now if the City front line wasn’t already crowded with stars, this Norwegian behemoth coming to Man City basically pushes Gabriel Jesus out of Pep’s plans for sure. Gabi Jesus is currently finding it hard to get playing time, imagine what it’s like when Haaland comes in to town.
London>Manchester – We are reportedly are willing to offer close to double what he is making now. I am not naive enough to think that City can’t do the same but why would they when Haaland is coming in to the PL as the highest paid player? No reason for City to put that much resources into a player that won’t be more than a squad player for them in the future.
Now here are the reasons why this transfer won’t materialize:
1. We are still Arsenal – until we make the Champions League, we are irrelevant as a club in European and World football. Why would Gabi Jesus take his talents to a shit show in Arsenal in a World Cup year? You could argue the guaranteed playing time would help him to make a crowded Brazilian pool but is it worth it at a club like Arsenal? Time will tell but I wouldn’t blame him if he and his team wasn’t convinced by the direction Arsenal are going in as a club.
2. Using Arsenal as leverage – the recent example of Vlahović using Arsenal as a catapult to his move to Juventus from Fiorentina is a great reason why Gabi Jesus’ team put out the Arsenal rumors. Vlahović used us like the mid-tier club that we are to get Juventus to pay him the money that he wanted. With Gabi Jesus’ contract coming at the end of the 2023 season, it is the time where teams make moves on players, whether to extend or find a transfer to get value out of the player before his contract expires. Arsenal are the perfect club for Jesus to use to get the contract he wants, we are big enough to where it will get dumbasses like me talking, but not enough to where Jesus will actually come.
3. Other suitors – Now despite the possibility of some truth to the Jesus to Arsenal rumors, at the end of the day, Gabi needs to do what is best for his career at the age of 25. At the age of 25, this will probably be the most expensive contract in his career and it needs to be with the right club, competing for the appropriate competitions with his next contract most likely not coming til his age 3o season.
4. I never get what I want – the most important reason why this transfer won’t happen is cause I usually never get what I want as it pertains to transfers or happiness when it comes to Arsenal. I have spent years and years on us missing out on Luis Suarez, Benzema etc, why would this work out any different? Now granted Gabi Jesus is nowhere near the quality of the two examples I named but the point still stands. I actually really do admire the qualities Gabi Jesus possesses and feels that he got a raw deal at City. Pep planned for him to take over from Aguero when Pep arrived at City but Aguero strengthened his grip on the striker position with Jesus unable to influence the Spanish manager. Despite not being a guaranteed starter, I do feel that his output of 93 goals/46 assists in 203 apps are decent numbers for a player that was utilized the way he was at City. Now is he what I had in mind for a striker like Osimhen, Tammy or Darwin, no, but I would be excited at the prospect of him at the Emirates for sure which means this move will not happen.
(DISCLAIMER: If Mikel gets Top 4 this season, consider this post null and void. Mikel would have proven me wrong, credit to me for admitting that.)
I have been very vocal during Arteta’s tenure on how I would have gotten rid of him month(s) ago, even over a year ago. When Arteta took over Arsenal in late 2019, we were in 8th place. Arteta then worked a masterclass to have us finish the 2019-2020 season in 8th place. Amazing. Granted he did win the FA Cup miraculously over City and Chelsea which granted him deserved goodwill as Arsenal manager. However, Arteta brought that momentum from the FA Cup win to a hard fought 8th place finish in the 2020/2021 season. Finishing in 8th place for Arsenal Football Club is sackable in and of itself, imagine the outrage if Wenger or even Unai Emery finished that low. In the 2021/2022 season, despite Arsenal’s horrible start to the season, Arteta did well to get us back into Top 4 contention but these last fixtures has presumably put us out of Champions League football due to terrible losses to mid-lower table teams (Palace, Brighton, Southampton). Let me rank the times I believe Arteta should have been sacked as Arsenal manager.
LOSS TO VILLARREAL IN EUROPA LEAGUE SEMIS – This is not even close. Let me give the appropriate context of this sackable loss. This loss to Villarreal took place at the end of the 2021 season where we were floundering in mid-table with no hope for Top 4 at this point. We were out of the FA Cup, with our only hope for European football being the Europa League title. In the SFs, we came across a Unai Emery led Villarreal and went on to lose 1-2 over two legs in embarrassing fashion which included a 0-0 draw at home. How Arteta kept his job after this tie, I have no idea, this loss solidified us not having European football for the first time in over 20 years. This loss also included LOSING TO THE MANAGER THAT HE REPLACED IN UNAI EMERY.
The satisfaction Emery must have felt eliminating the team that fired him.
If Arsenal had any respect for themselves, they would have fired him before he left the stadium that night. Unai Emery embarrassed everyone associated with Arsenal Football Club that night including Arteta, the owners, the players, and the fans and the Kroenke’s just took it like a bunch of losers (Unai also has Villarreal in the UCL SFs smh). If Roman Abramovich wasn’t too busy being sanctioned, I would have worried for Arteta’s safety with what Roman would have done if Arteta did this at Chelsea. Imagine City, Liverpool, United or Chelsea keeping this guy as their manager with two consecutive 8th place finishes as well as a loss to the former manager he replaced, despicable.
Only at this club can we lose 3 straight to Palace, Brighton, Southampton, and beat Chelsea and United like nothing happened. The performance wasn’t perfect, United was better for large stretches but I also just don’t give a fuck. Arsenal (3) – United (1) and I’m taking the 3 points and running off to enjoy my weekend. At this point of the season, it is only about the results and nothing else. The performances would be nice to have but at the end of the day, they mean fuck all if the results don’t follow. The 3 points for Arsenal have most likely put United out of the top 4 for good and keeps us on pace with the scum (Spurs).
PREMATCH/FIRST HALF: Mikel went with with pretty much the same XI that started against Chelsea with the lone change coming from Cédric coming in for Holding which pushed Ben White back next to Gabriel. The 7:30 am games are usually the ones where Arsenal loves to fuck me but instead, we came out and drew first blood thanks to the masterclass defending of Varane and Telles:
WHAT A START FOR ARSENAL!
De Gea makes the initial save, but Nuno Tavares taps in the rebound at the far post and Arsenal take a 1-0 lead less than two and a half minutes in.
GET THE FUCK IN FELLAS. Arsenal 4 – Team with no owners 2. Arsenal did it, they really did it. It’s moments like these that make you want to laugh and kill yourself all at the same time. For the past few weeks, I have mentioned that our games in hand(s) aren’t that much of a blessing as they are all games against Big 6 opponents, one of them being Chelsea. Little did I know, that Arsenal would go on to lose 3 straight to Crystal Palace, Brighton and Southampton; and subsequently travel to Stamford Bridge to whoop some Chelsea ass. Only this god forsaken club, I swear. This game puts us right back in the Top 4 hunt which 100% will come back and kill me. Future Kent will worry about that later though.
PREMATCH: With Chelsea coming off a busy week after a grueling Champions League tie with Real Madrid and a FA Cup Semifinal victory over Crystal Palace, you would expect Tuchel to put some rotation in for Arsenal, but little did I know he would have so little respect for us ( I don’t blame him). He put Lukaku back into the starting XI, brought on Malang Sarr to LCB, rested Thiago Silva, and brought in RLC to the CM pivot. Arteta tinkered heavy too by bringing in Rob Holding to CB, pushed Ben White out to RB, put Elneny next to Xhaka in the CM pivot and put Eddie up top over Laca.
SUMMARY: The first half started with Chelsea very much on the front foot with very dangerous corners that Ramsdale didn’t deal with at all (He hasn’t been that convincing for a while now for me). Then we got a gift shaped in a beautiful Danish basket all laid out for us by Andreas Christensen’s misplaced back-pass that Eddie was able to latch on to and put away.
A gift for Arsenal!
Christensen's back pass falls short and Nketiah picks it up and puts it home.
I can watch Xhaka bullying Lukaku and Alonso all day long.
Our second goal in the 27th minute by ESR came from a brilliant run by Xhaka who was able to body off Lukaku and meg Alonso in our own box before starting a counter that turned into ESR’s 10th PL goal of the season. Just fucking brilliant by Granit to get us out of pressure. To be fair, he couldn’t have picked two better Chelsea players to just straight up embarrass and dribble past as Lukaku can’t move anymore and Alonso is Alonso. Chelsea were able to equalize soon after as we were sloppy in the back which gave Chelsea the chance to capitalize on a flat footed Nuno at the back post. We went into the half tied up 2-2 with Chelsea and at this point, I just get migraines watching this team play. To be fair, as well as we played as it pertained to the 2-2 score at the time, I thought Chelsea were way below standards as opposed to Arsenal bossing them. Kanté and RLC lost possession so many times. The Chelsea wing backs, Alonso specifically was basically a turnstile that Saka kept toying with like on a busy day at Grand Central. Just no resistance to the Arsenal attack whenever we were able to cross into their half.
SECOND HALF: The second half started with another gift from Chelsea which is super awkward cause Chelsea I don’t think can accept gifts on their end due to various sanctions lmao. With that being said, Nuno capitalized on a loose pass and played it into Eddie who was able to poke the ball in after calamitous defending from Chelsea. Inject this shit into my fucking veins.
Arsenal then did a masterful job of seeing the game out despite the heavy Chelsea pressure to get an equalizer. And then came the beautiful cherry on top.
Arsenal and Kent finally got some luck and were granted a penalty for the vicious mauling Saka took from Azpi. Just a hugely dangerous altercation with Cesar lucky to even stay on the field. There is no place for this type of play in the Premier League. (Between you and me, that is the softest penalty I have ever seen, if this was given against Arsenal, I have no doubt that I would not live to finish the rest of the game. I would have lost my mind and voice but oh well lol, couldn’t be me). Saka converted the penalty and gave us the 4-2 victory as well as a new found look on life if you are a depressed Arsenal fan.
CONCLUSION: Arsenal definitely played well today but it will be a worry to see how easily we conceded those two goals for Chelsea. Regardless, we played well overall and deserved all 3 points. If we played like 50% of that against the 3 previous teams, Arsenal fans wouldn’t be in the mental pretzel we are all in because of this damn team. Chelsea was dreadful. They were poor in all parts of the pitch, if Werner was one of your productive players, you are in for a long one. It was strange to see Chelsea come out so flat in a Arsenal-Chelsea tie but you can most definitely attribute it to the empty seats at the stadium, such a shame. Special shoutout to former Chelsea academy product Eddie Nketiah for scoring his two biggest goals in his Arsenal career when we needed him most. He might, and let me emphasize, might be the reason our season is saved. I thought he played well for this teammates, annoyed the Chelsea defenders when pressing, and moved around the pitch with the speed that is faster than a average human being. What a performance by Eddie.
PREDICTION FOR OUR GAME AGAINST THE UNITED (I swear if we fucking lose): We have an early kick-off with United this Saturday who are coming off an embarrassing loss to Liverpool. With ALL that being said, I am expecting a Man United 3-0 victory over us at the Emirates. Arsenal is the team of life and I am fully expecting us to make Ralf and company feel good about themselves. If Cristiano is able to come back and play from the tragic events that his family just went through, you can bet your ass, 100% he is scoring a hat-trick all over us at the Emirates, book it. This is definitely not a jinx, and will definitely happen this weekend, no way it doesn’t.
MOTM: Thomas Tuchel – nobody helped Arsenal more today than that beautiful man as Chelsea manager. For him to help Arsenal so much by playing a dire squad with absolutely no desire or hunger to win this London Derby is something I can not thank Tuchel enough for doing.
Player I am most thankful for: Eddie Nketiah – being able to move and run faster than an average human being is something I can’t thank him enough for. Looking at you Laca.
Funniest guy: Aaron Ramsdale winding up the Chelsea fans is straight-up gold, love that guy. Just need him to play better
— CHELSEA WORLD CHAMPIONS (@CarefreelewisG2) April 20, 2022
Someone that is going to 100% gets screwed and betrayed in a few weeks: Arsenal fans – I think we all know what is going to happen in the end. However, these types of victories over scum like Chelsea don’t happen often and need to be cherished. I am going to enjoy this game and laugh at Chelsea fans before Arsenal brings me down to Earth in a few days.
With Lacazette shown himself to being pretty much useless as our lone central forward, Eddie not making the grade since coming from the Academy, Auba being ostracized to Barcelona, it’s almost a certainty that we will sign at the very least one center forward/striker to lead our line going into next season. With Vlahović taking his talents to Turin (Juventus) which is the correct decision and Arsenal not being impressed with injury-ridden Dominic Calvert-Lewin, a young Uruguayan playing for Benfica has come to the forefront of the Arsenal/Premier League transfer rumors.
The player being Darwin Nùñez out of Benfica with an impressive 37 goal campaign in all competitions for his club so far. Arsenal are in dire need of someone with a heartbeat providing some sort of goalscoring value in the center of our attacking line. All I’m asking is for double digits PL goals and someone who doesn’t make me want to bang my head against the wall. I want someone who at least makes the other teams center backs play some sort of defense, I am not asking for too much. Darwin Nùñez at first glance seems full of potential with raw technical ability that needs refinement.
THIERRY HENRY CHANNEL: What Arsenal massively lacks and hasn’t fully had since peak RVP is a striker who can create goals on their own by taking up the half-spaces on the channels to beat defenders. Aubameyang had his moments coming in from the left but he was more suited to getting on the end of crosses, poaching goals, etc. The Thierry Henry channel was refined and developed by King Thierry when he would find himself slightly out wide (right or left flank) with a defender and is able to face him up to either create a shot for himself, dribble past the defender, or find a teammate. That type of play has been nonexistent this season with Lacazette’s physical inability to dribble past players, let alone creating enough separation to even get in those dangerous positions. Below you can see Darwin finding himself isolated against Eric García, then is able to get back on his right and beat Ter Stegen at the near post.
Ter Stegen should have done better for sure and the contact isn’t the cleanest from Darwin but you’ll find me dead before Laca or Eddie do anything of the like. Here, you’ll see Darwin on the right flank using his sneaky athleticism to stop-go past a defender and create an opportunity for his teammate:
ARTETA OUT. Get this fraud and Edu out of my club. Easy scissors to the throat stuff from Arsenal Football Club. Just absolute kill yourself stuff from the boys today. Arsenal has dropped another game 1-0 to Southampton at Saint Mary’s and now our season is over again if it wasn’t over last week. We were granted a lifeline today with Spurs losing their match with Brighton earlier today which meant a win would have put us back in the driver’s seat for today’s match a win. And in typical Arsenal fashion, we choke our guts out. Now after’s today match here is where the standings have us in the chase for Top 4:
Down to 6th with a game in hand after this loss, but doesn’t really matter cause we are making this game up against Chelsea on Wednesday and we all know how that will end.
PREMATCH: Now this is important. This tweet by Orbinho is my life as an Arsenal fan encapsulated into one tweet:
Crystal Palace hadn't won at home in 2022. #helloArsenal
Brighton had won none of their last seven games (D1 L6) #helloArsenal
Southampton have won none of their last six games and lost their last four in a row at home. #helloArsenal
